Poetry - Eating Disorder

Fear and Loathing

I’m gambling
with balance
on a ladder
fastening the muted
greens and reds
of Christmas
stringing up vertigo
a blurry threaded beacon
for the parading mob
of family
and friends
I had forgotten
I had

A human stream
spilling out of minivans
rushing to the door
forcing their foiled casseroles
in my face
my head rolls back
like a fat light bulb
atop a skinny lamp
I am dragged
and anchored
to this table
while they all give thanks
for family
and friends
and food
I mouth the words
along with them
pokerfaced
while I gamble
with animal fat
and all the ways I could hide it
under the dining room table